


Non-bubble dreams that are wwet

by Pram_The_Oracle



Series: JohnRose Grimdorks Week 2018 [3]
Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pale-Red Vacillation, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Puberty, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 12:12:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15218906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pram_The_Oracle/pseuds/Pram_The_Oracle
Summary: Monday Prompt: Childhood and Puberty.Canon Universe, Pale and slightly Flushed John x Rose (one sided and not exactly conscious. You’ll see.), slight NSFW? Nothing too explicit.John Egbert just had a wet dream, and needed to complain about his Dad’s reaction to it. For better or worse, Rose was the only one online.





	Non-bubble dreams that are wwet

**Author's Note:**

> I had a devil of a time deciding whether to tick that underage warning.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy puberty and discussing puberty

With one final swing of his mighty warhammer, Sir Egbert slew his vile nemesis, the dreaded Black Wolf. Beyond his fallen foe lies the Princess Berryboo, tied to a stake yet still maintaining a dignified air. Somehow, what with her being… well, Princess Berryboo. As he undid the ropes the princess began showering praises upon him.

“Oh my hero, what can I ever do to repay your kindness?”

“No thanks necessary my lady, it’s a hero’s duty to save damsels in distress.” John answered as the ropes finally fall away. Then the princess gave John a hug which was… weirdly nice.

“Oh, but I simply must give thanks to my hero…” the princess said, as she released John’s waist and cupped his head, pulling him closer- WHOA WHAT’S SHE DOING?

“MMPH!” John said as he struggled to push her away, and finally succeeding, rubbing your lips with the back of your hand as you do. “What are you doing my lady?”

“I’m only showing my appreciation for a heroic rescue from such a hunk.” She says, her eyes looking half closed and doing things to your body and geez is it hot in here?

“I- I” You say as you back away, only for your back to hit a wall. You turn and briefly wonder where the door went before Princess Berryboo forcefully turned your head back to face her and-

“Wait what happened to your-?” Before your very eyes, you see Berryboo growing hair, her complexion changing, her appendages becoming more human like, and even her face becoming more and more familiar…

“I don’t know what you mean Sir Egbert.” The Princess said in a voice that is doing weird things to you. Good weird. “Now, just sit back, relax, and let me lead…”

Once again your lips met, and this time you can feel her tongue going inside your mouth. Strangely enough, you don’t feel like barfing. It feels… good. You return the favor as your tongue explored her mouth, and your hands start to wander. Your left hand is squeezing her hair, and your right hand is rubbing her back. You can feel her hands separate from the back of your head, one hand rubbing your chest, and the other going down, down, until it’s rubbing he front of your lower half.

It feels VERY good.

The Princess stopped kissing you now, leaving you longing for more. You can’t help but feel that the way she looks right now is very familiar, but all thoughts are soon lost as she lowers herself and your pants at the same time.

What happens next was a blur, you remember naked flesh meeting naked flesh and you exploring each other’s bodies. The last thing you remember she was on top of you, both naked as the day you were born, and that she was going up and down and your lower half feels so good...

————

John Egbert woke up, slightly dazed and a little bit confused. He can’t help but feel like he was interrupted from doing something important, but for the life of him he can’t remember what. As time passes and he becomes more alert, he noticed several things almost at once

It was at least late morning with all the sunshine streaming into his room, which allowed him to see that  
His glass of water, or what remained of it, was still on his nightstand and didn’t fall on his bed. Which is very important because  
His bed is very very wet. Which is alarming in and of itself, but then he noticed that  
Somebody is knocking on his bedroom door

Before John can process his current predicament further, his bedroom door swung open, and Dad Egbert walked in with a bowl of cereal in his hands and said in his usual loud voice “Good morning John, I didn’t see you at breakfast so I-“

As Dad trailed off into silence, John is in his own personal mind hell. Could this be even more embarrassing than it already is?

“Son” Dad began, as John braces himself for a stern talking to. “I am so, so proud of you.”

… wait what?

“Huh?” John said, confused as to why his Dad would be proud of a 12 year old son who wets the bed. Dad merely sat on the (dry part) of the bed before continuing.

“John, go clean yourself up and meet me downstairs, I’ll be along in awhile.” After Dad finished talking, he helped John up from his bed, and gently pushed him towards the bathroom. As John was given fresh clothes and closing the bathroom door, he could see his Dad preparing to clean his bedroom.

————

John fidgeted nervously in his chair, his bowl of cereal left half eaten. His mind was working overtime, thinking of every possible reason of why his Dad was acting so weird. He was tempted to Pester one of his online friends, but thought it was too embarrassing to talk about. It was about 5 minutes after he gave up eating that Dad came down the stairs, with a book under his arms. Wordlessly, he took a seat across from John and slid the book towards him. John glanced at his father, and looked at the book.

“Puberty and you… a wondrous journey?”

“Indeed my son. You have started down the road that will transform you from a boy to a full fledged man. Now, let us open the book to the first page and we will begin.”

And thus began what John would later describe as “The Most Embarrassing 2-3 Hours Of My Life”. By the end, John’s face was red and he was pretty sure the rest of his body was as well. His mind was still reeling from everything Dad told him about puberty.

Speaking of whom, Dad stood up from his seat, walked around the table, and gave John an almost suffocating hug as he spoke “Son, yesterday you had your first nocturnal emission, or more commonly known as a wet dream. I am so, so proud of you.”

Despite feeling so embarrassed he could die, John had to admit he felt a smidge of comfort as his father hugged him. Not that he’d admit it out loud, and so he struggled to break free as he complained “DAD, STOP IT!” After a brief struggle, Dad let go of his son, allowing John to make a mad dash for his bedroom.

Breathing hard and red in the face, John took a moment to compose himself. Alright he’s got to vent. He went to his laptop and opened Pesterchum. Only tentacleTherapist is on. Perfect.

ghostlyTrickster [GT] began pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT]

GT: rose rose rose!  
TT: Yes John?  
GT: you will not believe what my dad just did!  
TT: Alright John, I think I can squeeze you in my busy schedule.   
TT: Sit comfortably, and tell me what your father did.   
TT: But first, do you have a card with an ink blot handy near you, and if so, what does it look like to you?  
GT: i am going to let that slide, but this is serious rose!  
TT: Wow, serious business.   
TT: Who are you and what have you done with John?  
GT: ROSE!  
TT: Very well, no more jokes.   
TT: Proceed with your anecdote.  
GT: okay, but first, you have to promise me that you won’t tell anyone else what i’m about to tell you.  
TT: Not even Dave and Jade, our dearest friends?  
GT: not even them!   
GT: you have to swear rose!  
TT: I swear upon my beloved book of the zoologically dubious and upon the grave of my cat Jaspers that whatever you tell me will die with me and not another soul will know.  
GT: alright, now, do you know anything about...  
GT: oh geez how do i say this?  
GT: wet dreams?  
GT: rose?  
GT: are you still there?  
TT: Forgive me John, I had some pressing business I had to attend to.  
TT: Alright, to tell the truth, of all the things you could have said, I was definitely not expecting ‘wet dreams’ and was just staring at at the screen.  
GT: well, yeah, i guess that is kind of out of the blue.   
GT: heck, i just had one today and my dad just went on this really long lecture about that icky puberty business.  
TT: Oh my.   
TT: Would you say that the experience have traumatized you, or otherwise left a lasting mental scar?  
GT: embarrassing is what it is rose.  
GT: oh man i wish i could just wipe the last few hours from my mind.  
TT: My sympathies John.   
TT: I had my share of childhood trauma when my Mom gave me ‘The Talk’.  
GT: you too huh?  
TT: Indeed.   
TT: It certainly did not help that I suspect she was inebriated while explaining, and I quote, ‘the wodorous journey that is poobertea’.  
TT: But I digress, we are here to talk about your crippling embarrassing moment, not mine.  
TT: Now spill Egbert.  
GT: alright alright.  
GT: so i had the… ‘dream’, and i woke up just mere moments before my dad knocked the door and opened it!  
TT: Wow, that is some unlucky coincidence.  
GT: i know right?  
GT: then he sent me off to the bathroom while he, uh, cleaned up my… mess.  
GT: i couldn’t eat my breakfast i was so nervous, thinking he was going to be angry.  
GT: but no.  
GT: i got ‘The Talk’  
GT: oh god rose, the things he said.  
GT: hair growing everywhere, nocturnal emissions, me noticing girls more.  
GT: and then masturbation and sex.  
GT: the worst part is the book he showed me rose.  
GT: all those illustrations.  
GT: my god rose, page 32!  
GT: eww eww eww!  
TT: An understandable reaction.  
TT: I could not help but cringe as well when my Mom practically shoved the book into my face  
TT: It seems both our parents had the same book, if your comment about the dreaded page 32 is what I think it is.  
GT: you feel my pain too huh?  
TT: I feel you.  
TT: I feel you deeply.  
TT: Your feelings I feel deeply.  
TT: Though for my part, the worst was imagining that my Mom had to do it to conceive me.  
GT: oh god rose why would you say that?  
GT: now i’m thinking about my dad doing...  
GT: you know.  
GT: it.  
GT: with whoever my mother was.  
TT: Misery loves company after all.  
TT: Aren’t you glad that I’m online to share it with you?  
GT: HA.  
GT: HA.  
TT: Jokes aside, how did your father seem to you?  
GT: what do you mean?  
TT: As he was explaining puberty. Was he angry, sad, happy, or what?  
GT: well… he was happy.  
GT: i think.  
GT: and he kept saying how proud he was of me becoming a man or whatever.  
GT: he said my wet dream was a natural process and that there is no shame in it or in masturbation and exploring your body.  
GT: ugh i I can feel myself going red just remembering it.  
TT: He has a point however.  
GT: huh?  
TT: Bear with me John.  
TT: After my Mom’s less than stellar explanation, I looked up what she said and the links the book provided  
TT: For the most part what she said was correct, though she mispronounced quite a few terms.  
TT: But yes, what your father said was true, everyone goes through puberty.  
TT: While perhaps he shouldn’t be so enthusiastic about it, he did the proper thing explaining what is happening to you and what will happen later on in your life  
GT: well, yeah.  
GT: i guess it is better than leaving me in the dark.  
TT: So how do you feel now?  
GT: much better rose, thanks  
GT: i’m still a little embarrassed, but talking about it makes me feel better.  
TT: I’m glad I could help.  
TT: Now I would like to return to a comment you said just now.  
GT: oh no.  
TT: Oh yes.  
GT: rose no don’t do your psychology thing now.  
TT: Too late John.  
TT: I have trapped you in my slimy squirming appendages.  
TT: There is no escape.  
GT: curse your inescapable tentacles rose!  
TT: Now, when you listed off things that you found embarrassing.  
TT: You said ‘noticing girls more’.  
TT: Exactly what did you mean when you said that?  
GT: nothing!  
GT: it was just embarrassing to hear dad talk about it.  
GT: i’m not a homosexual if that’s what you’re trying to say.  
TT: Huh.  
GT: what?  
TT: Nothing, I was just surprised that you knew that word.  
TT: I don’t think it was in that book.  
GT: yeah my dad was explaining sexual orientations as well.  
GT: but i am not into guys.  
TT: Interesting.  
TT: How are you so sure that you are not interested in boys?  
GT: well…  
TT: I will remind you that I am under patient doctor confidentiality   
TT: As well as under a sworn oath not to tell another person of what you tell me.  
TT: However, if the reason is too personal.  
TT: I understand.  
GT: huh?  
TT: Even between friends, we all still need our privacy.  
TT: Something my Mom has yet to learn, though she probably knows about it and ignores it anyway.  
TT: But yes, if it’s too embarrassing, I won’t press you John.  
GT: thanks rose, but it’s alright.  
GT: i’ll tell you.  
GT: least i could do after making you swear.  
GT: and, well.  
GT: i feel comfortable telling you anything.  
TT: Oh thank goodness.  
TT: Truth be told I’m just dying to know.  
TT: Is it a girl?  
TT: Do you have a crush on a girl?  
TT: Is it someone from your school?  
TT: *gasp*  
TT: Is it Jade?  
GT: whoa whoa slow down rose!  
GT: jade?  
GT: where did that come from?  
TT: Sweet, Strider owes me.  
GT: what?  
TT: Nothing.  
TT: Now, you were about to reveal the reason you said you’re not, as you say, into guys?  
GT: it’s, well, it’s a bit silly really.  
TT: I will add the stipulation that I will not laugh no matter what you say to my promise.  
GT: well alright.  
GT: it’s my dream.  
TT: The Dream?  
TT: Juicy.  
GT: yeah well my dream started off kinda normal you know?  
GT: i was dreaming that i was a knight, and i slew a monster to save the princess.  
TT: Generic but a classic  
GT: yeah, but then it started getting weird.  
GT: after i freed the princess she started being all...  
GT: ugh what was that word dad said?  
GT: sexy.  
TT: snrk  
GT: yeah i wasn’t expecting princess berryboo to start kissing me and stuff.  
GT: she was leading me around, or so she said.  
GT: then she started touching me everywhere.  
TT: Wait what did you just say?  
GT: and i was touching her everywhere.  
GT and i somehow lost all my clothes somewhere in the process.  
GT: what what did i say?  
GT: oh.  
GT: oh crap!  
TT: John Egbert.  
TT: Are you telling me...  
TT: That you had a wet dream...  
TT: About Princess Berryboo...  
TT: The multi appendaged princess from the Children’s TV Show...  
TT: Squiddles?  
GT: oh god.  
TT: John, be honest.  
TT: Am I being pranked here?  
TT: Did Strider put you up to this?  
TT: Trying to see just how much I’m willing to believe from a friend before you, him, and Jade suddenly flood my chats with derisive laughter and mocking logs?  
GT: come on i’m pouring my heart out here rose.  
GT: it’s all true.  
TT: I apologize John.  
TT: I needed to make sure.  
TT: You have to admit, this is some choice gossip material that you’ve given me.  
TT: Almost too good to be true even.  
TT: Like a Trojan Horse filled with lies.  
TT: But yes I can see why you wouldn’t want me to laugh.  
TT: For what it’s worth, I did not laugh, chuckle, chortle, or otherwise when I realized what you said.  
TT: I will say that I smiled, but nary a sound escaped my lips.  
GT: thanks i guess.  
TT: So mystery solved.  
TT: You are not attracted to guys because...  
TT: You are solely attracted to 2-D animations of a squid.  
TT: Dave and Jade would be so proud of you  
GT: HA  
GT: HA  
GT: HA rose.  
GT: besides i wasn’t having a wet dream about princess berryboo.  
GT: not exactly anyway.  
GT: you see, somewhere in the middle of that weird mess...  
GT: she...  
GT: well, she changed into a human girl.  
TT: Oh.  
TT: More mundane than I first thought, but it seems rather conclusive after all.  
TT: John Egbert, I deem you,  
TT: For now at least,  
TT: Straight as a pole.  
GT: told you  
GT: still, there’s something strange about my dream.  
TT: Stranger than a cartoon squid turning into a real life girl?  
GT: yeah.  
GT: the princess turned into someone really familiar.  
GT: like i feel i know her from somewhere.  
TT: Hmm, perhaps a movie star?  
TT: Perhaps your subconscious latched onto a particularly beautiful one, and kept it filed somewhere in your brain until it’s finally used for your Dream.  
GT: yeah that might be it.  
GT: i don’t know, it’s just really bugging me.  
GT: i might have to spend the rest of the day looking up my collection to see if she’s in one of them.  
GT: alright i have to go rose.  
GT: thanks for listening to me, you’re a good friend.  
TT: My pleasure John.  
TT: I’m always here to lend an ear for you.  
TT: Have fun watching your movies.  
TT: I’ll most likely spend my Sunday reading my books.  
GT: thanks, have a good day rose!  
ghostlyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT]

————

For the rest of the day, John spent it watching his old movies, scrutinizing it for the mystery girl from his wet dream. Other than some brief interruption from his Dad reminding him to eat, and his other online friends checking in on him, it was a fairly lazy Sunday.

In the end he never managed to find out who the mystery girl is, and he’s got school the next day. Back in his room, John started messing around with his computer trying to make heads or tails of this programming business, but it isn’t going well. Yawning, he briefly glanced around at his saved pictures of various movie posters and pictures his online friends sent him, before he turned the computer off and headed off to sleep. As he lay there on his bed his last waking thought was of the mystery girl.

Come the morning he mostly forgot about the dream since he had more pressing matters in the form of a forgotten homework. Other than Rose bringing up John’s dream a few times, life goes on and the matter was forgotten. Shame really, for had John looked through the pictures he saved from his friends, he would have seen that a certain girl living in New York looks like the spitting image of the transmogrified Princess Berryboo, albeit all grown up.

**Author's Note:**

> If you’re wondering which one is Princess Berryboo, it’s the pink one you can see on the Squiddles album cover.
> 
> John’s got great taste in Waifus.


End file.
